By SHADRACK KIRUNGA
Attention Deficit Disorder, (ADD) is a medical condition where one has difficulty concentrating even for a short period.
One
moves from one task to the next, never completing any, and unless
deliberate action is taken to help this individual control symptoms, his
or her quality of life is likely to be poor.
A
new kind of ADD is emerging, a social trend that has been labelled
Attention Deficit Dating. Just like its medical equivalent, “sufferers”
can hardly stick with one person, and quickly move from one to another
and even date several people at a time.
Shift in attitudes
The
primary cause of this, in my view, is the change in attitude regarding
the various aspects of relationships, including love, sex, and marriage.
This change has been gradual in our society, and what ADD daters have
done is push the limits, making dating a game of cards, where they hold
the ace and control the game.
Information overload
No
doubt, the current generation has access to so much information very
early in life. That in itself is not a problem, because in fact, the
more one knows, the better. What lacks, however, is the ability to sift
through these terabytes of information, decide what is useful and
discard the rest.
Technology
The
other chief culprit in this game is technology, which plays two key
roles. First, it provides easy and instant platforms for people to meet,
such as social media, including dating sites. Let me digress to make
this point.
I recently read an
article claiming that married women are likely to cheat on their
husbands after occasions such as Mother’s Day, if they do not feel
appreciated.
And how was this claim reached?
Apparently
hits on a “cheating” website for married people usually spike sharply
immediately after Mothers’ Day and other occasions honouring women. Back
to the point; dating anyone can be as easy as hitting a button!
Second,
technology provides information that would have taken a long time to
gather a few years ago. All you need to do is Google a name to get one’s
profile. Those with ADD believe this is all they need to pick or drop a
date.
Effects
I
have concluded that attention deficit dating is a social disorder that
will have far-reaching consequences in future. Such daters receive as
much pain as they give, and transitioning to serious relationships might
prove very difficult to accomplish in the future.
For
example, such daters argue that dating as many people as possible is
necessary before marriage. The question is, how much test driving is
sufficient to assure success in marriage? The answer is, none.
But
few believe this – the fact is that many young people in society have
lost faith in relationships, regularly getting into one without any
intention or hope of staying.
This disillusionment among the younger generation is one explanation for the current trend, where older partners are preferred.
Way forward
There
are two categories of people involved here. The first are the ADD
daters, the second are their victims. To the first category, it is
important to know that ADD is harmful to your social and psychological
well-being.
Stop and reflect on the gains of this habit and work towards building a lasting relationship.
To the victims of these daters, my challenge is not to jump onto the bandwagon because the result is more pain.
There
are many people looking for real relationships, and with time and
careful assessment, you can still find real love. Insist on meeting real
people, not icons on social media. It is also important to set
standards that will shield you from such predators.